I am surprise if I still have readers to this site, with the way Twitter neutered my ability to post when I put new stuff on here. But I realized I can’t make excuses I paid for this site I need to utilize it while I still can. I hit a low again, (I know big shock)…But for real everything is hitting at once and its wearing me out. I also wrote out a very sad part to my book, something I know all too well a character’s suicide. I did not expect it to hit me so hard but it did, I do not want to give too much away (feels like I did already sigh), but lets just say I wanted to convey to the readers that there is no right frame of mind for when you want to go. In fact a person doesn’t even have to seem suicidal to do it. Sometimes all it takes is a push in the wrong direction. For me right now everything has been twisted since moving to Michigan. I had no idea how crazy hard it is for a single parent to deal with things in this state. Ive had my finances taken from me, the IRS decided to hold onto my refund for the most ridiculous reasons. I got to the OBGYN on Tuesday to find out what they want to do about the fibroids. And I just feel like everything is crushing my soul.
On one up note I am still writing even if its a little each day, yesterday I let Greg talk me into some mindless killing on the Xbox, but after I felt guilty for being online instead of finishing Axiom. Writing this book consumes at least a good portion of my thoughts along with fear that I am going to fail and suck terribly. But I told myself something this morning, even if I only sell one copy of it to myself I can at least say I finished something. Right now I just have to keep things together, get through another month of worry and I know things will be okay. It has to be right? So far kind people have been donating what they can and I am halfway towards the amount I need. I hate asking for help, I know friends have said not to feel that way, but I know everyone has their own problems to. Its just so frustrating. Ive done everything I can to try to curb doing this yet for now my life is determined to remind me just what a fuck up I can be at times.
Sorry I ca’t get away without some self depreciation. I promise I will try harder to break from that. If you would like to help out even if its five dollars it would go a long way to helping my son and I while my appeal is going on. My paypal me is: Tyn’sPaypalMe
Also I joined the #SnatchingEdges podcast recently as a cohost so please check out our show here: AblazeworldwideRadio
And what will more than likely be my final SAN podcast is here: https://anchor.fm/thesocialawarenightmare though this is not set in stone, sometimes those 20-30 minute rants help my nerves more than I know. Thank you all for reading this. Hopefully I will have happier updates soon.